


Orbital Ridge

by LittleSweetCheeks



Series: Things People Notice [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Dave always knows, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Muppet References, Secret Relationship, appreciating assets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 06:31:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7563877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSweetCheeks/pseuds/LittleSweetCheeks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An innocent comparison leads to a big announcement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Orbital Ridge

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!

Hotch quietly slipped into the bullpen and skirted around the desks where his team were chatting, completely oblivious to his presence.

“No, I swear! Here, look!” JJ was flipping through her phone and turned it to face Reid.

Reid gave her a confused look before looking at her phone, “Oh! I get it now! I’d never really thought about that.”

Hotch shook his head and continued into his office, pushing the door shut behind him. Out of the corner of his eye he could see his team now staring up at him through his open blinds. He got the distinct feeling that whatever conversation they’d been having had something to do with him.

Reid looked back at the phone and up at their boss again, “You’re right, his supraorbital ridge does have a striking similarity to him. You know, for the most part it’s considered a trait held more by those with Nordic heritage, which would correlate with his height and build, but historically those of more significant heritage were also more fair skinned and had fair hair.” Reid handed the phone back to JJ and continued on, “From an anthropological view, they were considered to be honest, just, and competitive as well as often reserved and self-reliant. As far as humans go, it is definitely one of the few traits that are considered specifically masculine whereas most of our traits are fairly equal for both sexes.”

JJ and Garcia both stood with raised eyebrows, speechless.

“Is that all?” Morgan asked, unable to resist.

Prentiss smacked him in the stomach.

“Well, as with other bones, it’s size reinforces the stability and strength of the smaller bones around it. Someone with a prominent supraorbital ridge would likely have a better outcome in a fight. Thicker bone being stronger bone. Generally men with firm square jaws and defined high cheekbones as well as the ridge are subconsciously found more attractive because it indicates a higher level of testosterone and therefore are better breeding partners.”

The three women blushed, but were unable to stop his lecture.

“On a certain level it tells us someone with those features has a better immune system, therefore would survive disease and they would pass those traits on to offspring, increasing their likelihood of survival.” He finally stopped and looked over his small audience. “Which is probably why the three of you enjoy staring at him all of the time.”

A sharp laugh from the catwalk had them all turning. Rossi had wandered out at some point and was casually leaning on the rail listening to Reid’s lecture. 

Morgan shook his head, “How much of this did you hear, man?”

“Enough. What started all of this?” He motioned to the group.

JJ and Garcia exchanged a guilty look as Prentiss spoke up. “Reid overheard the two of them comparing Hotch to a muppet and didn’t get the reference.”

“Ah.” The older man stood up, “I can see that.”

“How do you know which one?” Reid asked.

Rossi smirked and turned, wandering to his friend’s office.

Hotch looked up as Dave entered and shut the door, he glanced out as he team, who now looked like children caught sneaking candy. “I believe I was a topic of conversation just now.”

Dave sank into a chair, “You would be right.”

“Do I want to know what specifically?”

“No. Probably not.”

Hotch huffed a chuckle. “When I came through, they were showing Reid something.”

“Yeah.”

The Unit Chief finally looked up at his friend, “Dave.”

“They had their fun and it backfired. It sent Reid into lecture mode. I’m sure with the right…encouragement... Reid would enlighten you. But as I’m not into encouragement, I will not be doing any enlightening.”

“So this is an ‘I know something you don’t know, but I’m not telling’ visit?”

“You say that like it’s mean.” He smirked.

“It is mean. And childish.” He gave his friend a glare.

“Eh,” the Italian shrugged, “I’m good with that.” He stood and left, leaving the door ajar.

After several minutes, Hotch called Reid to his office.

“Yes, Hotch?”

“Anything I need to know?”

“Umm,” Reid blushed. “No?”

“Reid.”

“They made a comparison and I didn’t get it, but now I do and…”

“And?”

“And it’s really not fair that they started this and I think you know that and instead you have me in here because you know I will talk and I wouldn’t have wondered what they were up to and gotten involved in the first place if you hadn’t insisted on going biking this morning before work and getting caught tying your shoe in the parking garage as they came through.”

Hotch raised an eyebrow and Reid’s single-breath rant and watched as he sank, puffing, into a seat.

“It started as a conversation about staring at your ass and the conversation branched out to other…assets.”

“They stare at my ass?”

“Like you didn’t know that. I’m half convinced you do stuff on purpose to egg them on. It’s all fine for you, but I’m out there listening to them all day. Most of the day I’m the only guy out there in the bullpen surrounded by women who talk about your ass and I can’t say anything.”

Hotch stood and smiled at Reid.

“Hotch?”

“So, you’re upset because they talk about my ass and…other assets…and you can’t join in.” He started around the desk.

“Wait! No! I’m okay with that, it was the plan! Hotch? Whatareyoudoing?!?” He leaned back in his seat.

Hotch’s smirk grew almost predatory, “Fixing this.” Before Reid could get away, Hotch took his partner by the shoulders and pulled him to standing before wrapping his arms around the slim shoulders and kissing him.

After a minute of resistance, Reid relaxed and allowed his lover entrance and returned the embrace.

From the bullpen, the four team members stared dumbfounded up at the window.

“Damn.” Morgan muttered.

“Holy… Did we suspect this?” Garcia asked.

JJ covered her smile with her hand and shook her head, “We just told Hotch’s boyfriend we think he looks like a muppet. “

“After detailing how great his ass is,” Prentiss added.

Garcia chewed her lip, unable to tear her eyes away from the show, “Maybe he didn’t tell him?”

Morgan shifted, a bit uncomfortable watching, but unable to look away, “If he hasn’t, he will.”

Finally Hotch stopped for breath and smiled at his lover. “Now they won’t talk.”

Reid was panting, “I won’t have to hear anymore about how you look like Sam the Eagle when you’re upset.”

Hotch looked over his shoulder and shot their audience a glare. The team turned and tried to look busy.

“Yeah, that look.”


End file.
